We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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