Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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