did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
