My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
