the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
