he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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