just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
