I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
