Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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