Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
