I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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