My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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