So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
