I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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