Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
