K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
