We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
