once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
