Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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