I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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