Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
