Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A+ Viking dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
