shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm passing your future prison.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
