Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
