WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
