I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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