I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
