before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
