I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
