I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
