I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We need to get me chipped asap
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
