people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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