hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
