I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
