Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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