He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
