i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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