I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
