You made me cry and you don't even care
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
