all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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