I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
