OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
