you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
