At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
