My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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