ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
