A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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