God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
