I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
