Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
