She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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