This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
